Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
Finals week is upon us at last. And the collective groans begin…
But listen: This is just one week. ONE WEEK of misery, followed by a week of mind-blowing awesomeness. My bet is that we’re due for a real board shorts, sundress-filled spring break, to boot. Spring’s even beginning in March this year, the same time as it comes to the rest of the world! The week coming after this one will be worth all the work that’ll be required of you. So please, my ducklings whom I love: Quit your bitching.
Send your sex and relationship questions to [email protected]. I’m no doctor or shrink, but like any good sex writer, I have plenty of summer cocktail recipes for your sippng pleasure. Unless you’re under 21, in which case shut up and get yourself a Slurpee. It tastes better than about 60% of cocktails anyway.
My girlfriend and I are arguing about where to spend spring break together. I want to go on a fun trip, like travel around the West Coast together. She wants to mostly spend time with her family, and for me to tag along to all their stuff. It just sounds so boring. I want to get out and travel! And we haven’t been able to see each other lately just because of life stuff. What should we do? —Dying to Travel
The biggest thing that stands out to me about this letter is that you’re talking more about traveling over spring break more than you’re talking about spending time with your girlfriend over spring break. Time for a gut check: Which is more important to you? If you just want to spend time with your girlfriend, you can definitely have that even if you’re staying with your girlfriend’s family. You can go on dates, hang out at night after the family goes to bed. You might even get to sleep in the same bed, if her parents are flexible. It could be an amazing opportunity to get to know your girlfriend’s history better.
I totally understand where you’re coming from, though. You’re ready to get out of the area, ready to have an adventure after all the work you’ve put in this term. That’s perfectly understandable! Be honest with your girlfriend and yourself, and you’ll both be thankful for it. Even if you end up hitting the road alone, that doesn’t mean your relationship’s kaput. You won’t be a better boyfriend by sitting and pouting on your girlfriend’s mother’s couch, complaining about how it’s probably sunnier in San Francisco.
I just started seeing a counselor about issues that have been going on with my family, and things have been going well. But I have a major problem: I’m attracted to my counselor. I just think about her all the time. She’s so hot, and just so so kind. I haven’t made a move on her or anything, but I’m tempted to just do it at every session. What do I do? —On The Couch
Do. Not. Do. Anything.
I know, kinda harsh. But this is a surprisingly common experience you’re having, Couch, and I wouldn’t want you to do anything stupid because you couldn’t find any info about it. This is a thing that happens to a LOT of people; the psychological community refers to it as transference. Basically put, you’re vulnerable with your counselor about very intimate things on a regular basis. She’s not only receptive and nonjudgmental, but she’s helping you work through the negative issues to boot. Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone like that? Though there’s the small factor that this is her job. She’s helping you because she’s dedicating her life to helping people, not because she’s interested in you. If you were to incite things with her, you could not only end up hurt, but she could also drop you as a patient. You could mess up a relationship that’s been beneficial for you, and might screw up potential for even more growth.
If I haven’t convinced you yet, think of it like this: Would you hit on your doctor if they just finished giving you a colonoscopy? I rest my case.
I’ve been to a good amount of adult stores, and I’ve noticed that a lot of them just seem really dirty or tacky. Why is this? It just seems like they all have like black curtains or really stereotypical costumes out in front. And the way things are usually set up, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Like if I don’t look like a model, then I shouldn’t buy a sexy outfit from a sex shop. And then once I buy it, I should just have really kinky sex all the time. Why do I feel like this, and why are adult stores like this? —Attention Shoppers
Oh boy, this is a tough one. There are so many adult stores out there, so I have to say the disclaimer: every sex shop is different. I’ve been in complete holes in the wall, and wonderful emporiums where new sexual preferences are probably discovered on a daily basis. Just like taco trucks, sex shops are not all horrible because a few (okay, maybe more than a few) are completely gawdawful.
As for a general explanation as to why adult stores can be sketch, here’s what I got: Sex is still highly associated behavior in much of American society. Sometimes this can be okay. No one really wants to know how their teaching assistant likes to have sex with his or her partner. (If you do, you have a problem.) But in this lovely country of us, the urge for basic discretion often goes too far, so that the act of sex itself is regarded with distaste. So the dildos are sold in parts of town you need to take two buses to get to. The role playing outfits are displayed on mannequins too perfect-looking for anyone to realistically picture having sex with them. And we all feel like shit walking out of the store.
In short, I feel ya kid. But have hope that there are some stores out there making an effort to not seem sketchy. You just have to go out and find them.
I have a basic sex question: What does it mean that I can get off from watching porn featuring people of both genders (and even gay couples)? I’m as straight as can be, but I’m finding that I don’t get off by only watching straight porn. Why is this? —Video Ain’t Killing Anything
It means that you’re an interesting person, Video. If you only want to fuck people of one gender, then just go with that. For now, just be happy that you have more sections of the adult section of the video store open for your viewing pleasure.
 
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: Here’s one for the books- Amanda Whittaker (also known as Amanda Liberty) has come out to the entire world as being in love with the Statue of Liberty. Yup, the Statue of Liberty. The big green lady that lives near Ellis Island. Turns out that this lady has a fetish called objectum sexuality. It’s still being studied, but there’s a chance that this might be considered a sexual orientation in the future. Couches, fences, the Eiffel Tower… anything’s fair game for people who are capable of falling in love with objects. Personally, I can see the train of though behind the Statue of Liberty. Classy dresser, great profile… and my bet is those robes are hiding a great figure. She’s beeing holding heavy stuff for over a century, for Pete’s sake.
FOR MORE FROM NINA KAPOW, READ OUR PREVIOUS EDITIONS OF RUFFLED FEATHERS:
RUFFLED FEATHERS #23
RUFFLED FEATHERS #22
RUFFLED FEATHERS #21