Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
I’ve been getting a lot of really tame questions this week—has the cold weather finally started to affect everyone? You’d think the state of being indoors all the time and “needing help to get all these layers off” would inspire a few more sordid letters. Come on, people! Waiting until sundress and board short season to think dirty things isn’t fair to the rest of the species.
Send your sex and relationship questions to [email protected]. I’m not a doctor or therapist, but answers are guaranteed to be original. Because I manage to maintain my dirty mind not despite the weather outside being frightful. Someone has to…
Is there something wrong with me that I think joining a dating site is the best thing for me right now? Yeah I’m kinda desperate, but I don’t want to look that way. And frankly I don’t want to end up with all the other desperate people (or like I’m a sketchy guy for doing a dating site period). Is there any dignity to this, Nina? —Point and Click
Absolutely! As far as online dating goes, it really is in the hands of the profile builder to decide how much dignity they want to have. Myspace didn’t turn sketch in a night—it took a lot of people posting high-angle shots of themselves and trying to pitch their “next big album.” A lot of thoroughly decent people had Myspace profiles back in the day, and even took time to manage them. But a growing number of bad apples ruined the entire barrel.
Click, if you think joining a dating site will help you get out of whatever dating slump you’ve been in (or even just help keep your dating skills sharp), then you should absolutely go for it. If you’re afraid of looking desperate, just make yourself not appear desperate—post up flattering (but not brazen) photographs. Mention activities you really love doing. And for the love of online dating, write with proper grammar. Just don’t be so scared of how you’re viewed for joining the site. In an age where everyone and their mother has a smartphone, it only makes sense to use the Internet to reach out to people you may not have known otherwise. You’re evolved, Click. Plenty of dignity in that.
This is something that really bugs me—I really hate it when men yell and whistle at me when I run. I’m kindof a stacked girl, and even though I wear sports bras, things still move around, if you know what I mean. Guys in cars notice. I shouldn’t have to put up with this! I’ve tried wearing the most unsexy workout clothes ever, but even though it stopped guys from looking at me it hampered my running stride. What should I do??? —One Runner, Two Cups
First, props for coming up with the best pseudonym ever.
Let’s be honest, we all sneak a peak whenever someone attractive goes running by (it’s an instinct only enhanced by Niketown culture). That’s natural. But to holler sexual innuendo at someone with a gorgeous bod is just priggish and rude. You’re right in saying that you shouldn’t have to put up with that shit.
My advice? Flip the whistlers off. Make the up-yours sign without breaking your apparently wicked stride. Don’t be afraid to look them in the eye. And most of all, don’t change your clothing. Just because some men can’t see a bodacious woman exercising without turning into horny monkeys doesn’t mean you should hamper your running routine in order to to avoid them. It means you to be able to have the guts to say, “I’m just running, leave me alone” when people start ogling.
Dear Nina: My girlfriend has just started calling me “stud,” and it really creeps me out. Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of her giving me a nickname, especially one that has something to do with sex. But I don’t like being called “stud,” it makes me think I’m a douchebag. How do I tell her I want something else? —That’s Not My Name
“Honey, I really appreciate you calling me a name that means a horse used exclusively for sex, but I don’t really think it fits me. Do you have any other ideas?”
You know it’s a sweet gesture that your girlfriend is trying to think of a nickname for you, Name. You know that. But if you indeed feel like a douchebag whenever she says that nickname, then the effect each of you want won’t happen. So be honest with her. Maybe even offer up suggestions (Racer? Stallion?). Nicknames are supposed to be fun and a quirky expression of sexual bonding. So be kind upfront—you have a right to enjoy what you’re called! And you better have thought of one for her too.
Okay Nina, here’s a tough one: What songs could my girlfriend and I have sex to? Any recommendations? We’re both girls, if that helps you come up with ideas. —Dirty DJ
That doesn’t help at all, DJ. Unless you want to totally play into stereotypes and have sex to “Put Your Records On,” you two being lesbians doesn’t help me.
My general advice is that you gotta play to your and your girlfriend’s tastes. (Is there a song in her iPod whose meaning you can sexualize for future listening?) And don’t forget that it all depends on what kind of sex you’re thinking of having. Are you in the mood for a romantic night with Sting crooning in the background, or maybe a Dragonforce-infused quickie during one of your lunch breaks? Consider the factors, and feel free to experiment. And if all else fails, you can always revert to Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game.”
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: In honor of the only really dirty letter this week, it’s all about lesbians! Bad news first: In Italy, an anonymous lesbian referred to as Angela was denied the chance to donate blood, a decision that she believes was out of LQBTQA discrimination. Even though Angela says her last monogamous relationship was longer than 120 days (the legal requirement in Italy, to cut down on the risk of donors having STDs), she was still “considered at risk.”
But there’s one story that does have a happy ending. Rebeca Arellano and Haileigh Adams of San Diego recently received the two awards any traditional high schooler would kill to have: Homecoming King and Queen. Arellano was crowned King first (the first-ever female king for Patrick Henry High School), and the students voted girlfriend Adams as Queen. So far, they’re receiving mostly love from their community. Rock the crowns, ladies!
For more from Nina KaPow, read our previous editions of Ruffled Feathers:
Ruffled Feathers #1
Ruffled Feathers #2
Ruffled Feathers #3
Ruffled Feathers #4
Ruffled Feathers #5
Ruffled Feathers #6
Ruffled Feathers #7
Ruffled Feathers #8
Ruffled Feathers #9
Ruffled Feathers #10
Ruffled Feathers #11