Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
Many holidays about to go down in the world this time of year, so I’m going to give you the most all-encompassing holiday greeting ever, dear readers. Watch me groan as I say: Happy holidays, people. Count your blessings. Enjoy the people around you. Celebrate your faith, whether it’s in a higher power/powers or in the human spirit. May you have faith in the latter no matter what your faith in the former.
If they should arise this holiday season, send your sex and relationship questions to [email protected]. I may not be a counselor or doctor, but I know how to make a sled fly down a hill at epic speeds (hint: Karo syrup makes for a great sled lubricant against  rocky snow). 
I’m about to meet my boyfriend’s family, and I’m really nervous because I’m Jewish and his family is Christian. I’m not a devout Jew (I eat pork, for instance), but I do celebrate Hanukkah and I’ll be visiting right after Christmastime. I’m worried that his family will see me as weird or “the Jew.” Do you think there might be some weirdness?—Yes Yentl, There Is A Santa Clause
Only if you allow it to be weird. Whenever you’re dealing with different religions within a relationship, there’s bound to be some unspoken awkwardness (the risk of this is especially high with the partners’ families). But your own attitude toward religion matters a lot, because the family will likely follow your cue. Simply put: If you’re chill about being Jewish in a Christian, they’ll be chill too.
And come on Yentl, your boyfriend obviously adores you or else he wouldn’t be bringing you home to meet his family. Don’t you think he’s briefed them on the fact that you’re Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas? Is it conceivable that he’s done everything possible to prevent someone making you feel awkward in his Christian home? Have a little faith in his paranoia, sweetie.
 
Hey Nina, what’s the deal with promise rings? A lot of my Christian friends have them, and I kinda don’t know what to think. Isn’t it just like a pre-engagement ring?—Not In The Promise Club
Not necessarily! Although a promise ring has come to represent a commitment between two young people “promising” to marry each other, promise rings aren’t always tied to someone having a partner. The term has also become synonymous with purity rings, which Christians sometimes choose to wear as a sign of their commitment to waiting until marriage to have sex. They often do this whether they’re with a partner or not. It’s a less creepy, more socially acceptable commitment-to-abstinence display option to wearing umchwasho tassels or attending a Purity Ball. So expect to see a lot of them, and with increasingly trendy designs too.
 
This is really embarrassing: I recently had a sex dream about a female coworker. We had orgasmic sex in it and everything. But I’m gay! What does this mean?—Sleeping Straight Swinger
It means you’re still sexually curious after all these years, Swinger. Don’t fight it! You’re probably just exploring some new types of sexual feelings in your brain, or revisiting an experiences you might have had before you came out as gay. And the fact that the dream sex was with a coworker just shows that you’re looking to spice things up sex-wise, explore new possibilities. It doesn’t mean you’re straight—it means you’re still growing as a sexually mature person. And there is nothing wrong with that.
 
What’s with people who like to be choked during sex? My friend told me he really loves it when his partner tries to choke him during sex, but I don’t see the appeal. It looks so scary, and so dangerous too! What turns people on about it?—Keep Off, Dracula
People get turned on by all sorts of stuff, Dracula. And a lot of kinkier stuff can seem scary to a non-practicer, you’re not alone in that. But when you look into the science behind a sexual practice, it can actually make a lot of sense. Take foot fetishism—mysterious to a lot of people, but not when you consider how close the pleasure center areas of the brain are to the feet-sensory-input part of the brain. Makes sense, right?
In the case oferotic choking, the appeal comes from the apparently awesome sensation  that occurs when a person has an orgasm while their carotid arteries are being squeezed. But not so much that they’re in danger of dying! These arteries carry oxygen to the brain, after all. If you need a visual of what it feels like, these are two go-to examples: the giddiness upon reaching altitude while hiking, and how it felt to play that weird “fainting game” when you were a kid.
For all future kink questions, please defer to a lovely quote by Dan Savage: ”A fetish is an eroticized fear.” If the human brain can make a person become scared of something that could hurt us (an instinct that keeps us alive), it’s also capable of turning us on by that same thing. Brains are weird, but we humans are weird. Ain’t it grand?
 
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: You think you have a harsh Bad Relationship Story? Try being one of the eight environmental activists in England who allege that their boyfriends (who were actually undercover police officers) formed relationships with them only to gain information about the groups they belong to. They’ve now decided to sue the Metropolitan police (the wellspring of the current infiltration campaign) for “assault, deceit, negligence and misfeasance in public office” according to The Guardian. And yes, they are seeking compensation in addition to full disclosure of the officers’ action. Because it’s a sad day when you have to worry about police officers possibly using pepper spray as well as seducing protesters.