Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
Welcome to the first-ever edition of “Ruffled Feathers,” where Ducks and non-Ducks alike can write in with sex and relationship questions. A disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or counselor. I’m Nina KaPow, and I’m here to answer you even though I’m not paid to. Be grateful.
So Nina, what is the official protocol for showering in a dorm shower with your partner? Is this polite to roommates? Everyone seems to have a different opinion. —Water Boy
Dear Boy: Allow me to present A Tale of Two Couples. Couple #1 lived in my dorm freshman year, were not afraid of p.d.a., but basically waited until the middle of the day or even until 2 a.m. to hop in and rub-a-dub. A little paranoid, but as far as I know, there were never any complaints about them showering together. Now, Couple #2 was as equally not as afraid of p.d.a., and were actually cuter than #1. But they were way too showy about showering together, even to the point of asking other people to leave the shower area so they could. That’s 100% not okay if you live in a dorm (unless there’s some pre-arranged situation, where everyone is getting sexual satisfaction out of being denied bathing).
The sad truth about dorms is this: you are not going to avoid these people forever. So when in doubt, accommodate the dormmates. And don’t break the rules; there’s no bigger turnoff than a ticked-off R.A..
S.O.S.: Where’s a place to get cheap role play stuff? —Broke But Creative
Broke: You are in the absolute BEST city to find cheap role play stuff. There are so many great vintage and costume shops in Eugene and the surrounding areas (Portland has a reputation for great sex shops, as well). Just remember: wash, sanitize, and be paranoid about germs after purchasing second-hand clothing.
I really really want to send my long-distance boyfriend some pictures of me naked (yeah, we’re old school like that). Opinion on this? I totally trust him, but he lives with a bunch of dudes and I’m afraid of the pictures getting out. Plus, I’m a dude, so figure that sh*t out. —One Nude Bro
Bro: Ah, the quandary of naked pictures in college. This is proof that the ‘80s are back.
I certainly hope that you’ve done the typical checklist concerning naked pictures. (When will they get there? How many? Has this person seen me naked before? How did they react then?) If you are convinced that you can trust them with these precious items, then fantastic.
But here’s the real question— are you prepared to face all the things that will undoubtedly happen if the pictures will get out? Because Bro, there is always a chance of this. Your boyfriend may be a perpetually-trustworthy saint, but you can’t factor for everything in the outside world (nosy roommates, for example). And if your boyfriend isn’t out to the closet to his roommates, the discovery of pics of your naked self could make things very difficult for him.
Bottom line: It’s your choice, sweetheart. Naked pictures can be a great, fun way to spice things up in a relationship. But thanks to the Internet and ever-nosy people in the world, it’s more dangerous than ever before to send them out into the world. You can’t afford to be stupid about this.
Nina, I’m a gal coming to college newly single. I don’t want a first-week hookup, but I’m missing my partner soooo much. I’m totally sex-starved. How to cope? —Totally Frustrated!
Frustrated: Okay, this is when I do the product pushing: BUY SOME EROTICA. It’s the horny college gal’s best friend. It’s easier to hide than a dildo, easier to make excuses for should you get caught with it (“I thought Anaïs Nin was a theatre writer!”), and is probably one of the safest methods for young college women to explore their sexuality. Read it, write it, and if you should find some gorgeous mallard in your first term here, share it. There’s nothing like writing a sweaty, steamy five-page report to start off the school year.
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: Apparently a French lingerie company named Jours Après Lunes has issued out a new line of lingerie and loungerie (meaning quasi-loungewear usually meant to attract straight guys. Think hot shorts and sheer camisoles). The problem? The line is designed for CHILDREN. As in kiddies that have nothing that resemble tits yet! It seems designers have yet to realize that the line between playing dress-up and early sexualization of children is a fine line, that is usually much thicker than people give it credit for. But I have to admit, the ruffled diaper covers for babies are frickin’ adorable.
Do you have a question for Nina? Send her an email at [email protected].
