Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
The leaves are starting to change, and that means it’s almost time for students to move back to Ducktown. In honor of the time-honored tradition of just-moving-in angst, I’ve dedicated this entire week to inquiries about living or moving in with others. They say that originally, humans lived in tribes, moving from place to place together. Maybe that’s why we seem hard-wired to drive each other insane over cleaning bathrooms and hauling garbage. We should have ventured through the Stone Pass before the garbage pile grew too large, for Pete’s sake!
For future sanity, send your sex and relationship inquiries to [email protected]. I may not be a doctor or shrink (or anthropologist , for that matter), but the Rule of the Tribe rules here.
I’ve been living at home for the summer, and my younger sister has gotten a new girlfriend since I’ve moved out. She’s been spending a lot of time with my family lately, even sleeping over. This wouldn’t bother me, except that my mom never let me have boyfriends stay overnight, even if they were in another room. And she would have made me feel weird about making out with them or even cuddling the way they are. Why  is it different with them? —Angry Sister
Okay, Sister, I’m going to take a flying leap here and guess that you’re the oldest kid in the family. Why? Because this pattern of behavior is what happens when parents are struggling to figure out a policy in terms of their kids’ sex lives. You were Test Subject #1, and now your parents have moved on to the next Subject having adapted the procedure after you. If you weren’t #1, I’m willing to bet your parents were even more strict with your older sibling than they were with you. Plus, the fact that your sister is gay (and you are presumably straight) is all the more reason to suspect that your parents have begun to rethink their game. To your parents, you are two totally different kids to them, who have two different sets of needs, experiences, and histories.
Knowing this, talk to your parents. They probably haven’t even realized they’ve changed their behavior so drastically, or how hurt you may feel. Whatever happens though, don’t go in on straight offensive mode. Shutting the “Let’s Discuss How You Raised Me” door with your parents is a big mistake. You’ll probably have even more questions on that subject as you grow older.
So I’m gay, even though I’ve had straight partners in the past (before I was out). I’m totally happy right now, I just moved in with my current (gay) partner. But I’ve been  having a ton of dreams where I’m having hetero sex with a straight person — and it’s GREAT. What the hell?? —Skittish About Dreams
Okay, let me say first that you are in a very unique position having been intimate with both homo- and heterosexual partners. Not everyone can picture the same things that you can, and not everyone can do that objectively. So get your whiteboard and write this down in big letters: I AM NOT A PERV. You can’t help your past experiences, so stop punishing your mind for having this knowledge, SAD!
You’re picturing sex scenes similar to those you’ve had before right at a turning point for your current relationship. SAD, I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that. Gender preferences have nothing to do with it, you’re just freaking out about and working through the transition of moving in with your partner. Sorry to tell you, but you’re not that special.
I’ve been living with my brother and his wife for a little while before moving into the dorms. Everything’s cool with my brother but… his wife is HOT. Just young and hot! I can tell that she can tell I think she’s hot, but she hasn’t said anything or flirted with me. I’m totally not going to say anything, but I’m going out of my mind. What do I do while I’m living here?? —Good Ol’ Little Devil
Let me use this letter as an opportunity to say a far-reaching statement: Fantasizing about someone who is currently in a relationship with someone else is FINE as long as you don’t act upon it. Your imagination is your own, people! Just let your brain rule your other organs, and you’ll be golden.
That being said, there are a couple implications with your little infatuation here. You’re obviously comfortable being around both your sister-in-law and your brother, and you respect them as a couple. Otherwise you’d just flirt constantly. So give yourself a little credit — you’re trying to not mess with your brother’s marriage.
Also, to a point, you really can’t help who you’re attracted to. Everyone has had that weird first-cousin crush (and for some, a weird maiden-aunt crush). So GOLD, you need to forgive yourself for your feelings. Your higher brain is still engaged and making you worried about all this, which makes you NOT a perv. Keep your eyes and mind in check, spend time outside of the house, and just remember that there’s only a little bit of summer left.
My boyfriend’s sister has been living with us for about a month (she’s in a weird place between her traveling ending and her lease starting). She gives us our privacy and cleans up after herself, but she’s taking up a lot of my boyfriend’s time. I miss our private space! On top of that, she’s totally hitting on all our guy friends. SO annoying, and it’s making it so they don’t even want to come over here. —Living In Daze
Talk to your boyfriend. As in talk to him now. I hope that the time frame of how long his sister will be staying with you two has been established in stone, and if it hasn’t already it absolutely needs to. LID, chances are that if your guy friends are being made to feel uncomfortable around your brother’s sister, he’s likely noticing it. One thing he may not be noticing though, is how you feel about the loss of the private time you two used to enjoy. Who knows, he may even be holding off on talking to his sister about her behavior because he’s afraid of possibly freaking out about something you don’t see as an issue.
So do yourself a favor, LID, and speak up. Make your (perfectly legitimate) feelings and needs known, so you can sleep knowing you’ve done all you can.
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: A birth documentary originally released in 2008 made a great BOOM in the blogosphere a few months ago because of its claim that woman can potentially — brace yourself — orgasm during birth. Really!  Apparently the hormonal cycles that take place during the process of childbirth are remarkable similar to those of sexual pleasure. The movie Orgasmic Birth insists that with the proper mental preparation, the lady squeezing out Junior can spend some time in Happy Land during the blessed event. Ah, the capabilities of the human brain.
 
For more from Nina KaPow, read our previous editions of Ruffled Feathers:
Ruffled Feathers #1
Ruffled Feathers #2
Ruffled Feathers #3