Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
So… I don’t know if you all took my have-sex-to-relieve-stress advice to the letter or what, but there are were some really kinky letters coming in this week. Maybe it’s the pressure of midterms forcing us to be creative? Who knows. The fact that some people in Eugene somewhere are having weird sex makes for a happy Nina KaPow. Weird sex just keeps the human species interesting.
Send in your sex and relationship questions to [email protected]. You’ll be guaranteed to receive a reply, though be warned this column isn’t run by a doctor or therapist. I’m just a loving Auntie Duck, fully prepared to handle all the weirdness you can muster.
 
Hey, Nina. My girlfriend and I are getting into more rough stuff with sex, at her request. Biting, smacking, clawing—just rougher sex overall. My only thing is, I’m a lot bigger than her physically. Like a lot bigger. I’m scared I’m going to really hurt her by accident. Any advice on how to avoid this? —Not Wanting to Hurt Too Much
Too Much, I applaud you for your concern for your girlfriend. It’s definitely a challenge navigating sex when the partners involved drastically differ in body size. And the fact that you want to avoid hurting your petite miss while sexually satisfying her is definitely commendable.
Thankfully, this problem has an easy solution: Keep talking to each other. Have a safe word or phrase, something that comes before, “Oh my gosh, that’s going to leave a bruise!” Pay attention to her reactions during the act itself (which may in fact give you a rush as well). Don’t be afraid of asking too many questions. Better to be too cautious at first than too hasty if you’re just getting into the angry, sexy, animal world of rough sex.
 
What’s your take on tantric sex? I’ve been thinking about trying it with my boyfriend, ‘cuz it sounds like it gives you a crazy-long orgasm. —Curious Dude
First, a brief overview for people who don’t know tantric sex. In a very small nutshell, tantric sex is a practice of working with energy within the body to maximize sexual pleasure while bonding with a partner. It’s like the randy cousin of yoga, and includes the concept of chakras and utilizing breathing patterns to your advantage. As for orgasms… they can get pretty crazy, if you believe anecdotes.
Something to keep in mind, though—tantric sex definitely falls into the category of Sex Techniques That Require Tools And/Or Training, which may not be ideal if you’re a college student. Formal tantra classes might be too far out of your price range. If you’re truly interested in learning techniques, I’d suggest looking for free resources at this point in time (Youtube has videos galore, if you’re over 18). You can also find plenty of books on the cheap.
By the sound of your letter, you’re prepared to lose your shorts already, Dude. Just breathe, and take a minute to enjoy learning the process. Just like any other sex subculture, tantric sex has a history and plenty of loyal devotees. So please, make sure you’re entering into learning about this with respect. Even if you end up thinking it’s just a bunch of nothing, not everyone thinks so. Whether it’s with tantra or dungeon sex or fireplay, it’s not cool to insult the people who do it. Not everyone’s doing it only for the mythical hour-long orgasm.
 
Nina, I know you’re a total try-it-why-not person, but I think you’ll agree with me on this one. My boyfriend wants to try having sex doggy style, but I don’t want to at all. Why? Because I don’t want to feel like a freaking animal! I love my boyfriend so much, but looking at pictures of people doing this position, it looks like he’ll just be sticking himself into me. How can we be equal partners this way? It’s like the picture of a man dominating a woman. —No One’s Dog
Dog, you definitely have a decent argument against the doggie position. The partner who’s on their hands and knees receiving the input (I say this because the doggie position can be fully achieved with a strap-on) doesn’t see their partner at all during the actual sexual act. And there is definitely a risk in feeling like you’re just being “humped” throughout it all. But there’s also a big plus for the receiver: This position is said to be the ultimate when it comes to vaginal penetration. Plus, you have the option of giving yourself pleasure while your boyfriend’s doing his thing from behind. You could experience some massive pleasure along with him, missy.
If you’re still not convinced, fine. Ideally, you shouldn’t ever feel forced into doing anything sexual. But something is screaming out to me right now— your boyfriend is actually taking the time to talk to you about doing it doggy style. Unless there’s something here you’re not telling me, he’s not harassing you or just randomly flipping you over and going at it some night. This is a sign of him being a nice guy. Your fears of just being humped for some person’s pleasure could very well be unfounded. If you trust him and he knows all your fears and anxieties about this sexual position, what’s the harm in just giving this most ancient sexual position a try? Worst case scenario, you never have to do it again.
 
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson: A study recently published in Menopause magazine (and reported by the Los Angeles Times) says that the majority of the women ages 50-79 years old surveyed were satisfied with their sex lives. And out of the group that wasn’t satisfied, 57% said it was because they wanted to have even more sex. Interesting how an experiment surveying the effects of hormone therapy ends up having very dirty implications.
 
For more from Nina KaPow, read our previous editions of Ruffled Feathers:
Ruffled Feathers #1
Ruffled Feathers #2
Ruffled Feathers #3
Ruffled Feathers #4
Ruffled Feathers #5
Ruffled Feathers #6
Ruffled Feathers #7
Ruffled Feathers #8