Story by Nina KaPow
Illustration by Bailey Meyers
Welcome to the official Valentine’s Day Planning edition of Ruffled Feathers! I have received quite a few letters on what people should or should not give someone for Valentine’s Day, and I gotta say I’m disappointed. Why the hell aren’t people getting more creative? Roses and chocolate, cheesy serenades… snore. I found myself bitching about why there were no Ozzy-style lovers who send each other beheaded teddy bears or throw fruit at rom-com movie screens on Valentine’s Day. Where the hell are those couples? I fully endorse such off-beat, romantic behavior.
Send your sex and relationship questions to [email protected]. I’m no doctor or therapist, but I will happily help save your ass next time a major gift-giving holiday comes around.
I’m going to be single this Valentine’s Day, and I want to celebrate it in terms of celebrating love. I love sending out Valentine’s Day cards, dressing in a red sweater like a huge dork. I’ve done this before, and it’s been a lot of fun. I don’t think you need to have a partner to celebrate Valentine’s Day! But I can’t really hold a party or something on V-Day because all my friends will be off doing stuff with their partners. What can I do that’s just me on the actual day? I don’t want to feel lonely or like a loser because I’m single-I shouldn’t have to!—Mr. Heart Miser
You shouldn’t ever feel bad about celebrating Valentine’s Day as a single person, and you should never ever feel bad about celebrating it like a huge dork. I swear, we need more people like you on Valentine’s Day. I’m with you on the actual day potentially being depressing for single people though, just because of all the expectations to do something with a partner. It can be very hard to emotionally navigate.
This is the best remedy, in my opinion: Use the day to love yourself. You’ve used a lot of your energy in past years to make Valentine’s Day special for other people, and now you should do something for yourself. Take a page out of heterosexual-girl culture and “go on a date with yourself” (you don’t have to share if you’re getting snacks at a movie you see alone). Get a haircut, or even a manicure if you’re feeling particularly adventurous. Wear a sharp suit for no damn reason at all. Because you were right at the end of your letter, dude. Valentine’s Day is about showing love, not about having a partner in your life. Why not grab some of that love for yourself?
Worst case scenario: If you really feeling lonely, take a trip back home and surprise your mom with a pink-and-red cupcake. You obviously have a big heart, Mr. Heart Miser (and a sexy pseudonym, gotta say). Let out that love!
I’ve recently read in a magazine that it’s a really nice gesture to get someone clothing for Valentine’s Day, because they will then think of you whenever they wear it. I’m a little worried about doing that though. My boyfriend’s a thinner guy and I’m kind of a bigger guy, so I don’t want to get the wrong size of something and look like an asshole. Should I just take the risk anyway? —Pushing A Cart Off A Cliff
Cliff, you’re obviously not feeling this gift suggestion. So drop it. Go to a discount store, find a random soda machine or vase full of buttons or something that you know your boyfriend will actually appreciate. This holiday shouldn’t be about you being afraid of not fulfilling other peoples’ expectations. It should be about the fact that you thought of your partner, and put time into putting together an I-appreciate-you gift.
So go out there and find something you think will show your partner that you care about and appreciate him. Whatever that may mean.
Here’s something that’s been bothering me: How do I ask my girlfriend nicely if we can have sex on Valentine’s Day? We haven’t had sex in a month just because of different things going on, plus she got promoted in her job and has been having really good things happen over there. I’m happy for her, but the lack of sex with us has been driving me crazy. But she doesn’t seem to be going crazy because of the lack of sex, maybe because of her great job stuff now. How do I ask her if we can do a big Valentine’s Day thing without looking like a selfish horny guy?—Just Want A Hand
Hand, you’re not a selfish guy. You’re happy for your girlfriend, and it sounds like on the surface you understand why your questioning might come off as a trying-to-get-into-pants proposition. But as long as you’re watching your words and being sincere, you won’t come off as that. Promise!
Here’s the secret ingredient: Be sincere. Don’t put on airs, don’t pretend that you’re fine when you’re not. You have to set your girlfriend up so that she knows how special you think she is. How happy you are for her that things are going well in her life. If you set up that sweet, romantic kind of environment for her (both mentally and literally), she’ll probably be more likely to having sex with you. She’s just gotta be reminded of how much you care about her for more than just sex. And who knows? Maybe all she’s needed is to hear from you is how much you still want to be with her throughout life’s various time-suckers.
What’s Ruffling Feathers This Week: As much as we whine about unequal access to birth control in our little liberal arts college in the forest, there’s always someone out there with more of a reason to whine. Take the students of Fordham University up in New York-the ladies of this school can’t get squat because of the Catholic Church’s influence upon the campus’ policies. As reported by the New York Times, Fordham student Bridgette Dunlap organized a one-day, off-campus clinic where doctors volunteered to write prescriptions for students last November, and pressure for these universities to change will likely increase over time. Apart from it being part of the new law that Catholic organizations cover birth control in  their insurance plans, let’s not forget how birth control pills can positively influence women’s health in other ways, such as relief from endometriosis or polycystic ovarian syndrome (like the poor girl from the NY Times article who couldn’t get a break).